SAD….I’m SAD…..I’m Surrly, Anxious and Depressed because I’ve had to do every long run and long ride indoors for the last 3 weekends!

SAD…this stuff is real!  I’m Seasonally Affected with this Disorder.  I am craving a weekend day that is sunny and not snowing.  I don’t even care if it’s not warm….just give me the darn sun!!! 

Why is it that durning the week, when I’m working indoors the sun is out and the temps hover in the 40’s?  But come Saturday morning it snowing?  Who’s idea is this anyway.  It’s tough when the weather in Denver gets in these patterns.  I always begin to find myself getting a bit surrly and chompin at the bit!

SAD

As a mental health therapist, I know the role that exercise in the sun can play on mood and brain chemistry.  But darn if the sun isn’t cooperating these days. 

So since the sun doesn’t find me…I try to find the sun in my own way.   I’ve begun a game with myself.  I tell myself I am training my mind.  Yeap.  I take these endless weekend indoor training sessions as an opportunity to toughen my mind.  I grit through the pain of the endless hours of boredom and tell myself I am mentally getting tougher to handle things that might come up in a race.  I figure if I can endure another 2-3 hour treadmill run I can endure anything.  I mean anything! 

Sometimes the hardest part of racing is getting through the training.  If I can keep with my training, no matter what, no matter the season….then when it’s time to be standing in the water on that chilly morning- I’ll be ready!  I’ll have gotten through the hard part…..And the SADness will be gone!  Plus it helps knowing better weather is just weeks away!!!!

I’ve been contemplating pain lately.

There are basically two types of pain.  Physical and Emotional Pain.

Let’s start with physical pain……

First I was thinking about the pain when I train and race.  I read an article in Triathlon Mag about being able to tolerate pain when racing.  It made me realize that I don’t do that and that’s why I don’t “go for blood“.  I have not made myself really uncomfortable when racing and I wonder what the result would be if I did??? I probably wouldn’t miss 3rd place by 12 seconds…hummmmm…..

This thought brought me to another physical pain…as when there is something wrong and ignoring that pain.  I think of my Dad who had severe pain in his neck for one year and all that time it was cancer growing…and then I thought of my dear friend Jeffery who complained of chest pains the day before he had a heart attack that took his life……you get the picture…the kind of pain that we should pay attention to but don’t.  As opposed to the pain of training and racing…..hummmmmm

Pain is there for a reason.  It’s our bodies way of telling us something is not right….it’s just that we have to learn which pain to pay attention to and which to ignore…..I think I may pay too much attention to racing pain when I would be better served ignoring it……but I am grateful for the times I’ve payed attention to pain that was due to an illness or serious injury….hummmmmmm

Now emotional pain….man am I getting my share of that now.  Whatching my father go through treatment for cancer…not being able to talk, hear, eat….it is very hard and painful emotionally.  This man who was larger than life and could always fix everything, is now dependent on us to do everything for him.  It’s painful to watch him when he struggles- with his physical and emotional pain.  It’s painful  to watch those who love him stuggle with their emotional pain. 

It was scary for awhile…as in would he survive 8 weeks of chemo and radiation….today I can say that I am very hopeful he will survive!!!!

Which pain is easier I wonder?  Usually with physical pain there is a fix for that…kinda like putting a bandaide on a booboo….but emotional pain, how do you fix that????  The best I know to do for now is to remain hopeful and positive.  This helps the emotional pain for me…and for my dad when he is struggling.   We are given many gifts…and even though those gifts may downright SUCK in the moment….in hindsight we can see the gift that came from the pain……..

And who knows…if I can learn to endure the emotional pain maybe that can translate to accepting the physical pain later……….hummmmmmm