Life can take us in many different directions.  We also get opportunities to decide which directions we might take.

I was thinking about this a lot last week.  I decided to post a “direction” question on Facebook each day and see what people responded.
The questions where: left or right; up or down; forward or backward; yes or no.

Lately with having to stop being an athlete I feel as if I’m headed in a direction I didn’t decide on. What I DO get to decide on is what direction(s) I take from here.

 
Do I decide to go left or right? Do I go left and follow the path of no training and lots of rest? Or do I go right and just keep training and rest a bit more than I use to?

Do I decide to go up or down? Do I stay up and keep a positive attitude and trust that at the end of this I will be in a better place? That something good will come out of this time? Or do I get down and wallow in self pity? Do I think life sucks and why me, my life is over?

Do I decide forward or backward?  Do I look forward and believe in what lies before me is exactly what I need to do and where I need to be?  Or do I look backwards and kick myself in the @$$ for not realizing that something was wrong sooner?  For not taking more time off after the Ironman, for not……the list goes on?

Do I decide yes or no?  Do I say yes to what is being suggested I do? Do I say yes to the new and different adventure I’m on as my body heals?  Or do I say NO!  I’m not going to listen to anyone and I’m going to do it MY way and the heck with you all!     Or….. is it that I say No to exercise and Yes to resting and recovery?

There are so many moments in life, both big and small, where we get to choose the direction we will take.  We are constantly deciding the ups and downs, yes and nos, left and rights, forwards and backwards.  They come at us, and we don’t even know they’re there.  We just decide.  And then there are the times when life leads us in the direction we didn’t really want, and we take some time to think, and then make the decision on how we are going to be. 

It’s not always easy.  It’s not always pretty.  And sometimes we might decide one thing and then switch our minds….but the beauty of life is, that we do have the chance to choose.  We do have the chance to be. 

Just be-ing

I’ve got a confession.  I’m kinda embarrassed about publicizing this, yet I will in the hopes that it may help someone in the future. 

I’ve decided not to do Ironman Loiusville this year.  I have canceled the race, flight and lodging.  There is no turning back and changing my mind. 

Why you may ask……and here is the why….

Remember back in April when I wrote the postabout my first race of the season?  Well, looking back I think that was an indicator of how things would go this season. 

This whole season, since April I have just NOT felt “right”.  At first I chalked it up to being depressed following my Dad’s passing.  But as the months went on things got worse.  My workouts got worse, my zest for life got worse, my energy got worse….

I went from having good workouts that I felt stellar in to barely making it through one.  And afterwards I would be exhausted.  And if I did a “big” workout..forget about it. I was wiped out for a few days!  Not only did my workouts suffer, but I started putting on weight.  Well, fat really.  And I was eating “clean” and not pigging out! 

As the weeks went on I finally had that intuitive thought that “somethings not right.  This isn’t just mental, but something physical is not right with me.”  My guess was that something was going on hormonally (I’m officially through menopause a few months back) and I began asking people for referrals. 

I found a nutritionist and a Dr who specializes in hormones and promptly went to work with them to get to the bottom of things.  Well, it turns out that my adrenal glands are not functioning at full capacity and therefore my hormones (which where already low) are all screwy.  Plus my cortisol levels are wacky hence all the abdominal fat that has appeared without the benefit of eating tons of ice cream or something fun like that!

By the time I met with these professionals, I was barely able to get through a work day, let alone a workout….I just knew that an Ironman this year would put me in a much worse deficit….so, see ya later Louisville!  This was not an easy choice.  I mean it was hard to let go of doing another Ironman.  I really wanted to do it, but knew my body would be in worse condition if I did. From what these professionals I’m paying good money told me, I made the right decision.

So what does all that me for Go Doreen???  Well,  I immediately started a hormone protocol with Bio-identical hormones.  The very next day I was feeling better…no $HIT!  Not fabulous, but I felt rested for the first time in months.  I’m also starting to work with the nutritionist on how to support my glands using food to do so.  It will be a process, but hey, it’s better than the alternative of NOTHING.

What else this means is that Ironman Louisville has  been substituted for Coeur d’Alene!!!!!  Yeap, I’m signed up for IMCDA 2011!  I am so psyched about that. 

So the game plan is, to take the next few months to do things that are fun for me.  Keep my base with the swim, bike, run, but scale things down a bit to let my body heal.  I hiked a 13er a few weeks ago and this past weekend rode the Boulder 70.3 bike course and felt great!  I have not felt that good in a workout in months! 

I’m also going to be doing the Harvest Moon Long Course in Sept and Nationals Long Course in Oct.  This is all dependent though on how I’m feeling and how the tests come back.  But if all goes well these will send me into my training for IMCDA.  I feel hopeful that I will come out of this strong and feeling like myself again.  It helps a lot knowing that CDA is on the books for next year, since I’m out of IM this year.

What I’ve learned during this process, is it’s hard as a dedicated triathlete to listen.  To really listen to our bodies and hear what it’s telling us.  The signs are always there.  I know they were for me, I’d just kept hoping they would go away!  After a few months though I just knew I had to listen and find out what was going on.  I am really glad I did.  It’s not easy to do so.  It’s wasn’t easy to say “I can’t do Louisville this year”.  I mean that was REALLY tough! I wrestled with it for  a long time.  I kept hoping I’d feel better.  But I didn’t…but now I do.  I am starting to feel better.  And I know, I will feel great at some point in the future.  I am glad I’m taking care of myself now, so I can have more fun later!