This past Sunday I had to say goodbye to my furry companion of 16 years. I had to say good by to my pup Kai.

I came home from work Friday and knew it was time. He had reached that point of suffering and even though I never wanted him to leave me, I knew he had to.

I’d like to share about this amazing being that came into my life 16 year ago. I had just lost my dog of 2 yrs due to being hit by a car and I cried for days. Someone called and said there were some pups at a pet store in Bishop I should check out (I was living in Mammoth Lakes at the time.) So off I went.

When I got to the store and spent time with the pups it was instant love with Kai. He was the smartest and calmest one in the bunch! (Boarder Collie mix). It seemed to be a mutual I picked him- he picked me kinda thing. He was the cutest darn thing I’d ever seen.

I paid the store, put Kai I the car and we were off for our ride home. This is when I knew without a doubt that Kai was the dog for me. He was calm and relaxed the whole ride. No anxiety, no motion sickness. Just 30 mins off uneventful driving.

That’s when I knew, with out a doubt, that this was a match made in heaven! For the next 6 years Kai traveled with me across the country and Canada chasing good weather and rocks to climb.

Kai’s first climbing trip was to Joshua Tree. He was 5 months old and we spent 3 weeks hiking throughout the desert and climbing. Kai quickly became one of the best doggie boulderers that I ever met! He actually spent so much time at the base of climbs that when someone yelled the word “ROPE!” he would run away from the base. It always cracked me up to see him do that! And I didn’t even have to teach him that!

Kai hit the trails with me for long mountain runs. I loved how he would get us back to the car even when I wasn’t sure which trail to take! He was brilliant at that!  We’d turn around on a run or hike and I wouldn’t have noticed a trail that merged with the one we were on and I’d just say “which way Kai?” and he’d head us in the right direction.

We spent so many days together exploring the outdoors.  I never had to worry about having a companion to do things with.  He was always ready to load up and go where ever I took us.  He hung with the best of em.  He loved backpacking and sleeping away from home.  A 20 mile backpacking trip which took two days left his paws a bit sore…and the next time he was right back out there with me.

To say Kai was a special dog is an understatement.  Most everyone who knew Kai would tell you he was an old soul.  Kai was patient and wise, kind and loving.  People where just drawn to him.  He had his quirks which I loved.  Kai was very sensitive also…..my Dad would teaze that Kai needed a doggie psychiatrist sometimes, cause Kai’s feelings would get hurt easily. 

There is no way to do Kai justice for all he ment to me and those who’s lives he touched.  He was a beautiful being with a kindness that doesn’t come along often.  Kai made me a better person having been able to spend 16 glorious years with him. 

I miss by dear friend Kai and know that he is having a blast now, chasing deer and squirels again…..

Thank you Kai for chosing me and for sharing your life with me…..I love you and will miss you!

-

I just spent the last week hanging in Northern California.  I flew in to San Francisco after a two hour delay due to the weather in SF….well that was just the beginning of one wet…I mean wet week in California.

I spent the weekend with my Mom who came down to meet me. We did some of those touristy kinds of things. We’re both native San Franciscans and enjoyed being back in our City By the Bay.

One thing we did twice- cause it was sooo darn delicious- was eat at Aliotos on the Warf. OMG how I love me some San Francisco sour dough bread with plenty of butter on it. I could eat that for days!!! Another fav dish on the menu at Aliotos is their sauteed calimari. Love, love me some of that too! Obviously….

In between downpours we’d get out for a walk and visit as many Peets Coffees as possible (love me some of Peets too!).
I was pretty much in heaven- even kinda with all the rain.

I got to visit with friends see family.  I met with my friend Joanne who I haven’t seen since the run at Ironman Cozumel.  I met Joanne at packet pickup and then on race day we kept seeing each other on the bike and then multiple times on the run….bonded for life!!!

  Oh yeah- I also attended a two day work training. I actually enjoyed being indoors given all the rain. One thing I know for sure… Is I could never live inthe Northwest. I would not do well with day after day of rain and no sun.

You know the funny part? When I got back to Denver it was still cloudy for two more days. And even though it was still cloudy- I was glad to be back home!

-

Once again it has been along time since I’ve visited my blog and updated what has been going on and the lessons I’ve been learning.  There is so much to share and today I think I’ll start with the things I am thankful for in my life.  It’s also a hard day as it is the first holiday with out my father, and, I am surrounded by the rest of my family and friends.

 

 

The first thing I am most thankful for is my family.  We have weathered a challenging year together and have been by each others side the whole time.  I feel so blessed to have the wonderful family I was born into.  Many people say- You can’t pick who your blood relatives are.  For me, I am so grateful I am blessed to share the blood of my whole family.  Each one of us is always there for each other and supports each other any time it’s needed.  I know this is not always the case for families, and because of that I am even more deeply appreciative of what we have.

 

 

The next thing I am most thankful for is my health!  Yeap, my health is back!!!!!!!!    I have gotten through the toughest, most challenging 4 months EVER in my life and I can honestly say- I am feeling better now than I have in 1 1/2 years!  How amazing is that???????  I wake up every morning feeling completely rested and ready for the day.  No more afternoon crashes where I can barely keep my eyes open!  (I have an admission here- I’m a therapist and there were actually 2 times, before I was diagnosed with Adrenal Fatigue, where I nodded off in a session with clients. How messed up is that?)  It feels fantastic to feel alive again and to have hope that I will be just fine.

 

 

Next I am thankful for my friends.  Through this past year and especially the past 4 months, many friends have reached out and helped get me through this time.  It means so much when I’ve gotten a phone call or an invite to do something.  Unfortunately in the beginning I had no energy to participate in anything, and luckily now, I am able to do just about any social activity I’m invited to!

 

 

Next I am thankful for my companion and pup Kai.  We have had 15 glorious years together exploring the country, rock climbing, and hiking/running many a high country trail together.  One reason I’m not as bummed about getting Adrenal Fatigue is I’ve had so much more time to spend with him, as opposed to if I was training.  Now we take out 15 minute walks around the neighborhood twice a day.  That is the extent of what his ol’ hips will allow him to do.  I treasure each day with him as I know he is getting close to the end of his time here.

 

 

I could continue to write many a things I’m thankful for, and these are the ones I am focusing on today.  There is much more to share with you all, and I will save that for another time.

Today I wish you all a wonderful day with family and friends and all that you have to be thankful for.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted on my blog. It seems that since I haven’t been training I don’t feel as if I have a lot to write about. I feel as if I don’t have anything interesting to say unless I’ve run 30 miles or something.

So what have I been up to that might be interesting?

Two weeks ago I was in a 4 day training called Pathways To Leadership. I was sent by my company along with 19 other employees. We spent the whole time learning tools to help us be better members of our community, work, and at home.

Two tools (out of 17) that I have found to be extremely helpful are the Energy Map and Homeward Bound Framework.

The Enegry Mapis about being aware of where you are focusing your engery?  Are you on the “Back Side”  which means you are focusing on What’s not working;  What I don’t like about you/me/it;  the Problem.  Now this was good for me because I have been focused on the Back side.  I’ve been focusing on what I don’t like about me, and what’s not working right now.  I’ve been focused on the problem of having Adrenal Fatigue.

Learning about the Energy Map has helped me daily to stay on the “Front Side”.  This means I now focus on What’s working;  What I do like about you/me/it; and I’m focused on the Solution.  I have the objective to get better and I am executing a plan for that. Now if I wake up and put on my pants that barely fit any more, I think of the fact that I am healthier today than I was two months ago when  first diagnosed with Adrenal Fatigue.  I also can catch myself throughout the day in many situation when my thoughts wander to the Back Side.  I can now be aware of switching my thinking to the Front Side.

The other great tool that I learned was Homeward Bound Framework.  Now I really recommend doing this every evening as you’re headed home.  Stop somewhere when your about 5 mins from home and ask yourself these 4 questions.

1. What did I learn today that’s going to be valuable?    2.  What did I do well today?   3. What are the 3 greatest blessings in my life?  4.  How can I be the best mom, dad, spouse, friend I’ve ever been tonight?

I strongly suggest trying this because the results will be amazing.  I have found that my whole attitude shifts and I am in such a different place when I walk through my front door.

 

The next two days I was in a DBT training. This is a type of therapy where the main premise is Mindfulness. DBT is a cross between Eastern philosophy and behavioral therapy.

One of the main skills I learned in the training was the “half smile”.
The “half smile” is a skill to use when you’re having a rough time or your thoughts are drifting to the negative.

To do the “half smile” you ever so slightly lift the corners of your mouth into a light smile. Go ahead try it….how does it feel? Do you feel a little lighter inside???

I may not have had any exercise inspired insights to share over the past two months, but I thought I would share these tools with you all. Go ahead- give them a try. I mean- what have you got to loose??? OR should I say- what have you got to gain????

This past weekend we held the memorial celebration for my father.  It was the most wonderful, yet hardest day.  80+ people from around the country came to honor my father Frank.

We had a wonderful time sharing stories from a microphone about my Dad.  People talked for 4 hours.  It was amazing, and sad, and fun.

The themes that seemed to be repeated by everyone were that Frank was:

-A true steward of the earth.  He spent his whole life fighting for water.  He helped found CalTrout and most recently he successfully fought Nestles’ attempt to build a water bottling plant in McCloud. It was a 5 year battle and just last September Nestles backed out.  My Dad was a environmentalist and he went Green way back in the 60′s.  We grew up recycling and littering was not tolerated!

-He was a good listener and always could give sage advise.  Many people shared about the times my Dad took someone aside and helped them through a difficult time.

-He was a hard worker and could fix ANYTHING!  I mean ANYTHING!  Everyone had a story of how my Dad had come over and helped them fix, build or replace something.  A few times a hammer to whatever wasn’t working was all it took, but usually the fixes where very involved.  My Dad loved helping people fix things!

-He had a great sense of humor.  My Dad could bust you up laughing for hours.  He could also imitate just about any noise.  And if his comedic timing didn’t get you, his SMILE did!  My Dad had the best smile I have ever seen.  The world lit up when Dad smiled.

My Dad was many things to many people…and these are just a few.  I always thought my Dad was the most amazing man I had ever known.  I felt it in my gut that this was the truth, but then at times I’d wondered if I thought that just because he was my Dad.  After this weekend, and after what  people shared, I now know for certain that my Dad was truly that GREAT of a human being. 

My Dad, Frank, was the best father, mentor, friend, human being that I could have ever been blessed with. 

May you rest with the Angles Dad.  I love you and I will see you and that big smile again.

Yesterday was my birthday….yeap another one. 

 I am officially over 50!  Holy Cra%…How in the heck did that happen????  Wasn’t it just yesterday I was 35??????  I can’t believe it…..Time does fly, especially when you’re having fun!!!!

Every year I’ve looked at my birthdays as the one day out of the year where I can make it all about me (not that I don’t on other occasions…but I’m working on that).  There was only one problem yesterday.  This was my first birthday in 51 years where my Dad didn’t sing me happy birthday.  That made for a bit of a sad day.   It was my birthday and an occasion for celebration, but I really spent a lot of time crying when I was alone……And that was ok.  I needed to do that…….grieving can be like that…it just comes and then it’s gone.

So of course, with a birthday, it brings an opportunity to pause.  Pause and take stock of my life and where I’m at, and where I’m going.  At the beginning of the year I wrote a post about New Years Intentions.   With all that occurred in January I never made the time to write myself a mission statement.  I figure now is a good time to do that as I embark on my next year of being on this earth.

Even though yesterday was a tough day, I must thank all my friends who reached out to me and wished me a happy birthday.  Each time I got a message it lifted my spirits and put a smile on my face.  It made me feel cared for and comforted. 

Today is a new day.  I feel GREAT and happy and joyful and thankful to be 51!  I think I needed those tears yesterday to wash away some of the sorrow. 

The sun is out and tomorrow will bring a TOUGH strength run!  It will be nice to run outdoors!  It’s been a few weeks.  I’ll make sure to take pictures and blog about it!  Should be a dooozzzyyyy….

I hope everyone enjoys the weekend and gets out in the sun!

Oh my oh my….talk about a winter storm! 

Here I am in northern California in the midsts of a 4 day snow storm.  And did I mention I’m out in the boonies?  Like, in a small town of about 500 people? 

I use to live in this area years ago and since moving to Denver and our “champange powder”- I have forgotten all about  “Sierra Cement”.  Forget about trying to shovel…. I swear- half a shovel weighs about 10 lbs! 

When El Nino storms “march” off the coast with “copious” amounts of moisture, you have the perfect recipe for downed tree and powerlines and closed roads!  And that’s where I find myself today…..stuck in the house with no where to go. 

We’ve been without power for 48 hours now- the roads are closed- as are all the businesses.  Thank goodness for the large generator that has been purring for two days, a wood burning stove, and Verizon Wireless Access.  I have all the luxuries I need 

One problem…is the propane for the generator is getting low, and Suburban Propane can’t fill their trucks because the eletricity is out and therefore can’t deliver more propane. 

So, we’re going to shut off the generator for today.  Oh yeah…did I mention we’re on well water and when the generator gets turned off so does the water??  Pots and pans and bottles are filled…

The forecast is for more snow.  The power isn’t suppose to be back on for about a week.  Hopefully we can get propane before then…but in the meantime……

Who said California was all sun and warm weather anyway?????

Francesco Augustino DeRoss

My Father Frank is rich in tradition. He always came home on time, never drank, never smoked, a solid family man, a steady guiding hand

My Father Frank is rich in things that you can not buy and if you could buy them it would not be wise to do so

My Father Frank laughed a lot, because that brilliant smile would have been an awesome thing to waste

My Father Frank engaged his faith with his outstanding intellect and that is where truth lives

My Father Frank can listen to the words you say even when you don’t say them

My Father Frank held still in those moments that most rush to ignore. He knows that true beauty lives there, in between the notes

My Father Frank is brave and stood to fight and never broke and never winced

My Father Frank took in the earth and sought it out and honored it’s worth

My Father Frank recognized talent and ignited confidence in other’s abilities without the need for personal glory

My Father Frank knew passions that ran deep and hot under ice cold waters

My Father Frank was loyalty, was melody, was kind

My Father Frank was industrious with wrench n’ hammer, muscle and mind

My Father Frank danced with common sense, and upon God’s grace he dined

Mt Father Frank.  My Father Frank.  My Father Frank.

La Famiglia DeRoss

When I wrote my last post, in the back of my mind I was thinking about my father and the uncertainty of his health. I wrote that I was excited about this next season of racing and all that goes with it. I knew though from my experience this past year that life can change in a moment.
I write this post as I am sitting at DIA waiting to fly to California to be with my Dad in his last few days.
I’ve packed my swim and run stuff and have brought a pair of bike shoes…. What will be appropriate I don’t know at this time…I do know that it is important to continue self care and the way I do that is by exercising and trying to eat well.

Blogs sometimes are fun and light and full of laughter. But as a dedicated triathlete I must also face other challenges in my life that have an impact on my training. Life can throw us a curve ball sometimes. I don’t know what the answers are or the best way to do things. I do know that I can show up and be present for those who need me…and try to do the best in continuing to care for myself.

Here we are at the close of another year. 

 Heck, we’re done with a whole other decade!  It seems like just a few years ago we were worried about what would happen on New Years Eve of the new millennium.

The end of an old year is a time of reflection and then looking at what the next year might bring.

This past year was interesting to say the least. The year began with a commitment to completing my first Ironman; then a divorce; followed by a summer and fall of family leave from work to care for my father as he went through cancer treatment. To say this year was a year of unexpected occurrences is an understatement.  I never thought when I signed up for my first Ironman that I would be faced with these other challenges.  I thought the hardest thing would be getting all the training done….well- I got all the training done and navigated this past year. 

As I look toward the coming new year I now know that I may set out to achieve certain goals or think that my life may play out a certain way….yet no matter how much I plan things….life will happen, won’t it?

So that is why I’ve decided to spend some time reflecting on what my New Years Intentions will be rather than resolution.

With this thought in mind and after a wonderful lunch with a friend…I’m going to work on putting together a mission statement for myself. What is my focus going to be? What am I really trying to achieve and become in this next year?  What do I want to give back to this world. How do I want to walk through life??? 

I like the idea of writing a mission statement for myself.  Every business, agency, etc has one….why not me?  Why not us? 

As you think about your resolution for this coming year…maybe think about what you would like your intentions to be instead?  I’m hoping to find my through a mission statement………

May you all have a wonderful new year filled with health, hope, and love for you and your families!